‘Theses days, I find myself wandering through the shores of my memories more often than not – because that’s the only place anyone still exists.’
Waves crash, the foam sizzles as the water rushes up to my toes. I stand there looking out at the horizon, taking in the sun’s full rays.
Just stand there, friend. Don’t think about anything, just listen and close your eyes.
Listen and meditate on all of the happiness and emotions that have been created here, think about all the times that were never forgotten. Spread out your fingers over the sand, you can feel the energy resonating through the ground.
The water continues to rush and gently touch my feet.
It’s as if the water is imitating the things that come and go, one day there is much abundance of feeling that it surrounds you, but then, just like the receding waves, it all disappears.
Why does this torture us? The feeling of being taken away, being left behind or forgotten. Like a tunnel through a mountain you’re left with a hole in your heart.
The spray of the sea floats through the air brushing your face as it always has. Yet you’re standing there with your eyes closed, watching nothing.
Whispering through the wind it dances, words and voices fly past your ears piercing your concentration. A once known voices fades in and out tearing into your aching heart.
You know this voice, you love this voice and you’ve heard it a million times. When it was laughing, when it was crying and when you laughed together until you cried. Tears run down your face because this voice is a ghost, you know you will never be able to experience this again because it’s gone now. Forever.
It left you with such distress, such pain and agony that no one can truly understand. Only problem is, you can feel it, you did feel it and you tried to help. You told yourself every single day that you would do anything to make things better for them, to make a difference, to make it worth staying.
It may have been selfish to think that I could change anything, that I could make it all worth it. How can I even begin to know how you feel and know what you are going through. Regardless I will never stop making it worth it, I will never stop giving my whole being to keep you here so that we can always be together.
You may have thought that the things we loved were a waste of time but in the end it was the thing that kept us together and gave us something to laugh about.
We should have gone to the harbor, we should have acted on those plans and made the adventures we always talked about. Take me back to the arena where we talked for hours into the early hours of the morning. We went on about the things that bothered us, our goals, relationships and plans. Those were the things that lead us to be late for work the next day because it was such a great feeling to find someone that resonated so well.
Those nights were some of the best nights that I have ever had and for once in a long time it was comforting when nothing was right.
The difference you made and the outlook that you created for me and many others is something to be proud of, the happiness that you had and shared with others goes unmatched.
You knew what was going to happen, that’s why you gave me your jacket, you left it here because you knew what was going to happen – you knew I needed something to remember you by.
Now all of that is gone and it can never be – not for now, at least.
So here I stand again on that shore, overlooking the harbor. The black metal structure soars and stretches across the sky above me. The intricately woven metal struts hold it together while below, the thick beams support both. It’s in this that I know how important it is to listen, to understand and pay attention – because if a pipe isn’t properly plumbed, it leaks.
I’ll be back next year on this day, to this same place.
I will never forget.
Share this if you enjoyed the journey.
© Copyright Michael Williams 2017
September 13th, 2017 at 8:30 pm
Amazing, on the anniversary of my mother’s passing this had me in tears, keep up the beautiful writing xx